It’s not a crime to need a man

I know society has women stuck on the mantra: ‘I don’t need a man’, and ‘I’m better off by myself’. As if being in a relationship would dilute your strength. I get it sometimes the pain of the past makes it feel scary. Sometimes it’s easier to grab onto these ideas that are constantly pushed at women by the media and well-meaning friends.

In my foolish younger days, I remember the excitement of getting together with ‘the girls’ to vent about our ‘terrible’ boyfriends. (And it really increased how awful it all seemed). #manbashing

Tip: If you focus on the negatives (about anything in life), the negatives will increase.

However this doesn’t need to be your experience, here’s a story about my life. I’m not qualified to give advice, so I don’t. You are the expert on your own life. I share my own story, and if it resonates with you, then great! I’m all for having time alone and being single; if that’s what you desire right now – go for it!!

For me, holding on to the mantra ‘I don’t need a man’ had me stuck in disbeliever mode, and it didn’t help any of my relationships thrive. I didn’t show up in the best way because of past betrayal, but I wasn’t aware of it at the time. I was broken and my self-worth was on the floor so defence, maybe even defiance was my default. I felt like finding a guy to ‘complete me’ would fix the pain. I feel at times being broken attracted other people to me that were also broken.

Things changed when I learned the differences between male and female communication and approaches to life. This helped me trust, understand and accept those differences. I focused on designing an independent life for myself that makes me happy. While I was healing and working on my own life a great relationship showed up.

For me the real crime has been not educating myself on relationships/men/women sooner. Skilling up in certain areas has enabled me to genuinely appreciate and enjoy people in my corner who believe in me, and a life that within itself generates all the feel good I can handle. I do not ‘need’ a relationship, I choose to be open about the trajectory of relationships and I let go of outcomes, prerequisites or expectations outside of my control. Relationships should only be the added extra not the whole cake but the icing on top. (The cake being a metaphor for your own life).

At dark times when I was still healing, the old me felt like relationships got in the way, or I expected them to hold me up or ‘complete me’. In those moments of imbalance it didn’t attract the deep, soulful friendships and relationships I was looking for. I had to change, it was painful but so worth it.

It’s not a crime to need a man or not need a man. Honour the relationship you have with yourself, that is something you really are in full control of! The rest will fall into place. Relationships, friendships, family – nurture them in a balanced way and let go of the things about them you cannot and should not seek to change. Why? because true love is about accepting people for who they are right now. For me I’ve found so much strength from no longer having inappropriate expectations.

When I go with the flow and swim in the ocean waves, it feels so peaceful. Much like life feels if you adopt the refreshing approaches I’d be happy to share with you if it’s a fit.

If you’d like deep transformation and the skills to super-charge all your relationships, don’t be shy – send a message via the Contact page / don’t forget to subscribe to catch all the juicy articles coming up. My clients tell me the mentoring process is uplifting and fun along with a few tears and ah-ha moments. Don’t leave it any longer!

© Morvana Zaahira Goodman 2021

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